Here's the riveting part 2 of my mental breakdown...not a breakdown breakdown, but a breaking down of my mental thoughts :) I'm not THAT crazy. But if you didnt' read part one (it was a doooozy) you can find it here.
I've kinda gotten through all that, now that I'm training for my first half. Yes, I had to create my own modification because I can't run 3 miles yet. But dang it I'm doing it! Well, havent' been doing the cross training etc but I'm gonna run this half in Nov! I'm realizing I have new struggles. I guess not new, but still frustrating. And running is definitely my free therapy. The husband is also running the half and I get confused with his training and try to block out his speed. But I still think about it. I'm running a 12 min mile and that's AWESOME for me. I keep thinking I'm super slow but the more I read others' times Im' not feeling so slow. I also find myself frustrated when I need to walk. I find myself wanting to run with perfection, not stop if I'm not supposed to. Or finding myself thinking that walking is cheating...or setting goals for myself on when it's okay to walk but then thinking I set my goals too low. Am I rambling, probably. But oh well. You can stop reading anytime you want, haha.
Last night's run was probably the first time I treated it as a therapy session.
My friend is training for her first marathon and running the Galloway method, a run/walk. So I tried running my 2 miles by running 2 minutes and walking 1 minute. I didn't really enjoy it and I think it hurt more. I've always thought that walking was more of a nuisance than running. Don't get me wrong. The walk is needed but it works different muscles and then I dread starting back up the run. It definitely slowed down my total time (duh) but at the end of the 2 miles I didn't feel any less tired like I thought I might. Maybe that method works better for longer runs.
But as I ran I used that time to think. Think. Think. Think. I thought about how far I'd come. I thought about how it will feel to finish the half. I thought about how hard it was and that I was doing it. Finally, I was doing it. I thought about how one of my friends is running the same race, only she's doing the half and how I'm feeling overshadowed by it. Thankfully for my #RockingtheRoute group, I got over that and focused on me accomplishing my goal. (thanks girls!) I thought about my breathing and learned that thinking about my breathing made me breath funny, so I stopped...thinking, not breathing. I thought about how I tried something new and learned I dont like it (the run/walk) and now I know... I thought about how hard I am on myself and how that is just negativity that I don't need right now. And then I thought about it more.
I was only out there for 24 minutes, running/walking 2 miles. By the end of it though, I wasn't really done with the therapy session and found myself somewhat ticked when I walked in the house. I felt that I had just started digging deep and frustrated. (I'm seeing a pattern...me always frustrated...which is frustrating). I showered, still ticked for some reason, grabbed my laptop and started typing. Somehow between blogging and messaging a local runner for some insight into the half I calmed down ... a lot. Enough to where I forget exactly what the deal was, but eager to hit the road again and work out some more "issues" . I guess running does that for ya too...leaves ya wanting more (once the pain is gone, like childbirth, haha).
Thanks for sticking through all this muck of a mess that was supposed to make sense. I'm not going back to reread and see if it makes sense, too late in the day for that and as Sweet Brown would say "Aint Nobody Got Time fo Dat!"
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