Free Therapy - Part 2

Here's the riveting part 2 of my mental breakdown...not a breakdown breakdown, but a breaking down of my mental thoughts :)  I'm not THAT crazy.  But if you didnt' read part one (it was a doooozy) you can find it here.

I've kinda gotten through all that, now that I'm training for my first half. Yes, I had to create my own modification because I can't run 3 miles yet. But dang it I'm doing it!  Well, havent' been doing the cross training etc but I'm gonna run this half in Nov!  I'm realizing I have new struggles.  I guess not new, but still frustrating.  And running is definitely my free therapy.  The husband is also running the half and I get confused with his training and try to block out his speed.  But I still think about it.  I'm running a 12 min mile and that's AWESOME for me.  I keep thinking I'm super slow but the more I read others' times Im' not feeling so slow. I also find myself frustrated when I need to walk.  I find myself wanting to run with perfection, not stop if I'm not supposed to.  Or finding myself thinking that walking is cheating...or setting goals for myself on when it's okay to walk but then thinking I set my goals too low.  Am I rambling, probably.  But oh well.  You can stop reading anytime you want, haha.

Last night's run was probably the first time I treated it as a therapy session.
My friend is training for her first marathon and running the Galloway method, a run/walk. So I tried running my 2 miles by running 2 minutes and walking 1 minute.  I didn't really enjoy it and I think it hurt more.  I've always thought that walking was more of a nuisance than running.  Don't get me wrong. The walk is needed but it works different muscles and then I dread starting back up the run.  It definitely slowed down my total time (duh) but at the end of the 2 miles I didn't feel any less tired like I thought I might. Maybe that method works better for longer runs.

But as I ran I used that time to think. Think. Think. Think. I thought about how far I'd come. I thought about how it will feel to finish the half. I thought about how hard it was and that I was doing it. Finally, I was doing it.  I thought about how one of my friends is running the same race, only she's doing the half and how I'm feeling overshadowed by it. Thankfully for my #RockingtheRoute group, I got over that and focused on me accomplishing my goal.  (thanks girls!)  I thought about my breathing and learned that thinking about my breathing made me breath funny, so I stopped...thinking, not breathing.  I thought about how I tried something new and learned I dont like it (the run/walk) and now I know...  I thought about how hard I am on myself and how that is just negativity that I don't need right now.  And then I thought about it more.



I was only out there for 24 minutes, running/walking 2 miles.  By the end of it though, I wasn't really done with the therapy session and found myself somewhat ticked when I walked in the house.  I felt that I had just started digging deep and frustrated.  (I'm seeing a pattern...me always frustrated...which is frustrating).   I showered, still ticked for some reason, grabbed my laptop and started typing.  Somehow between blogging and messaging a local runner for some insight into the half I calmed down ... a lot. Enough to where I forget exactly what the deal was, but eager to hit the road again and work out some more "issues" .  I guess running does that for ya too...leaves ya wanting more (once the pain is gone, like childbirth, haha).





Thanks for sticking through all this muck of a mess that was supposed to make sense.  I'm not going back to reread and see if it makes sense, too late in the day for that and as Sweet Brown would say "Aint Nobody Got Time fo Dat!"

Free Therapy

So I know I don't post much...life gets in the way. Same excuse I use for working out and getting fit.  With school starting back in 3 weeks my life this past month has slowly become more consumed with my classroom and decorating. I soooo wish I could spend a fortune on my room and decorate it the way I want.
However, teaching at the same building with the same teachers has it's benefits.   I've learned soooo much about myself in the past 6 years teaching.  And some of the teachers have helped me realize some deep stuff about myself, through my reflective teaching.

I am very much a reflective teacher and often first assume that the problem lies within me. Which is a good thing, to an extent.  It's always best to first look within when confronted with a problem instead of automatically thinking there's something wrong with the kids or that they just weren't listening (unless it's a full moon ... then it HAS to be the kids' fault.  I kid...kinda, haha).   But it also backfires on me and that's where my coworkers step in.  I often use them as resources or sound boards when I'm stumped or have a new idea.  One of my coworkers knows me well and knows when I'm being too hard on myself. She reminds me to stop and look at the situation from a "different lens" or she'll flat out tell me that my self-expectations are unrealistic.  I think everyone needs someone like that.   I'm getting off track - oops.

I know they say running is a mental sport.  80% mental, 20% training..or something like that.  I feel for me it is definitely a mental game.  I find it a good therapy session ... although I'm kinda leery of what is going to happen when I get to longer runs because just within the 30 minutes I'm on the road now, I come home with my mind reeling and confused and set and ready for new goals and frustrated and makes me want to run more (or drink).   I know I'm hard on myself. When I was running more consistently to prep for my first 5k, I was on fire.  And it lasted a little bit.  When I started running again, I was disappointed in how hard it was again. I was frustrated that I couldn't run what I was running.  I'm not talking about running an 8min mile like I did in high school. I'm talking about not being able to run a mile, like I did a month prior.  I would get mentally defeated and hate running because I knew I wouldnt be as successful as I was.  Yeah, lame, but it's true.  I started c25k again and even THAT frustrated me.  Again, just being hard on myself and unrealistic expectations. I would even get upset that it was making me upset.  I'd be frustrated that I mentally wasn't willing to push through it all when I knew I could at the time.


Stay tuned for Part 2 where I delve into where I'm at now...will post it in the AM. I know you're dieing to hear the rest of my head-drama.