Free Therapy - Part 2

Here's the riveting part 2 of my mental breakdown...not a breakdown breakdown, but a breaking down of my mental thoughts :)  I'm not THAT crazy.  But if you didnt' read part one (it was a doooozy) you can find it here.

I've kinda gotten through all that, now that I'm training for my first half. Yes, I had to create my own modification because I can't run 3 miles yet. But dang it I'm doing it!  Well, havent' been doing the cross training etc but I'm gonna run this half in Nov!  I'm realizing I have new struggles.  I guess not new, but still frustrating.  And running is definitely my free therapy.  The husband is also running the half and I get confused with his training and try to block out his speed.  But I still think about it.  I'm running a 12 min mile and that's AWESOME for me.  I keep thinking I'm super slow but the more I read others' times Im' not feeling so slow. I also find myself frustrated when I need to walk.  I find myself wanting to run with perfection, not stop if I'm not supposed to.  Or finding myself thinking that walking is cheating...or setting goals for myself on when it's okay to walk but then thinking I set my goals too low.  Am I rambling, probably.  But oh well.  You can stop reading anytime you want, haha.

Last night's run was probably the first time I treated it as a therapy session.
My friend is training for her first marathon and running the Galloway method, a run/walk. So I tried running my 2 miles by running 2 minutes and walking 1 minute.  I didn't really enjoy it and I think it hurt more.  I've always thought that walking was more of a nuisance than running.  Don't get me wrong. The walk is needed but it works different muscles and then I dread starting back up the run.  It definitely slowed down my total time (duh) but at the end of the 2 miles I didn't feel any less tired like I thought I might. Maybe that method works better for longer runs.

But as I ran I used that time to think. Think. Think. Think. I thought about how far I'd come. I thought about how it will feel to finish the half. I thought about how hard it was and that I was doing it. Finally, I was doing it.  I thought about how one of my friends is running the same race, only she's doing the half and how I'm feeling overshadowed by it. Thankfully for my #RockingtheRoute group, I got over that and focused on me accomplishing my goal.  (thanks girls!)  I thought about my breathing and learned that thinking about my breathing made me breath funny, so I stopped...thinking, not breathing.  I thought about how I tried something new and learned I dont like it (the run/walk) and now I know...  I thought about how hard I am on myself and how that is just negativity that I don't need right now.  And then I thought about it more.



I was only out there for 24 minutes, running/walking 2 miles.  By the end of it though, I wasn't really done with the therapy session and found myself somewhat ticked when I walked in the house.  I felt that I had just started digging deep and frustrated.  (I'm seeing a pattern...me always frustrated...which is frustrating).   I showered, still ticked for some reason, grabbed my laptop and started typing.  Somehow between blogging and messaging a local runner for some insight into the half I calmed down ... a lot. Enough to where I forget exactly what the deal was, but eager to hit the road again and work out some more "issues" .  I guess running does that for ya too...leaves ya wanting more (once the pain is gone, like childbirth, haha).





Thanks for sticking through all this muck of a mess that was supposed to make sense.  I'm not going back to reread and see if it makes sense, too late in the day for that and as Sweet Brown would say "Aint Nobody Got Time fo Dat!"

Free Therapy

So I know I don't post much...life gets in the way. Same excuse I use for working out and getting fit.  With school starting back in 3 weeks my life this past month has slowly become more consumed with my classroom and decorating. I soooo wish I could spend a fortune on my room and decorate it the way I want.
However, teaching at the same building with the same teachers has it's benefits.   I've learned soooo much about myself in the past 6 years teaching.  And some of the teachers have helped me realize some deep stuff about myself, through my reflective teaching.

I am very much a reflective teacher and often first assume that the problem lies within me. Which is a good thing, to an extent.  It's always best to first look within when confronted with a problem instead of automatically thinking there's something wrong with the kids or that they just weren't listening (unless it's a full moon ... then it HAS to be the kids' fault.  I kid...kinda, haha).   But it also backfires on me and that's where my coworkers step in.  I often use them as resources or sound boards when I'm stumped or have a new idea.  One of my coworkers knows me well and knows when I'm being too hard on myself. She reminds me to stop and look at the situation from a "different lens" or she'll flat out tell me that my self-expectations are unrealistic.  I think everyone needs someone like that.   I'm getting off track - oops.

I know they say running is a mental sport.  80% mental, 20% training..or something like that.  I feel for me it is definitely a mental game.  I find it a good therapy session ... although I'm kinda leery of what is going to happen when I get to longer runs because just within the 30 minutes I'm on the road now, I come home with my mind reeling and confused and set and ready for new goals and frustrated and makes me want to run more (or drink).   I know I'm hard on myself. When I was running more consistently to prep for my first 5k, I was on fire.  And it lasted a little bit.  When I started running again, I was disappointed in how hard it was again. I was frustrated that I couldn't run what I was running.  I'm not talking about running an 8min mile like I did in high school. I'm talking about not being able to run a mile, like I did a month prior.  I would get mentally defeated and hate running because I knew I wouldnt be as successful as I was.  Yeah, lame, but it's true.  I started c25k again and even THAT frustrated me.  Again, just being hard on myself and unrealistic expectations. I would even get upset that it was making me upset.  I'd be frustrated that I mentally wasn't willing to push through it all when I knew I could at the time.


Stay tuned for Part 2 where I delve into where I'm at now...will post it in the AM. I know you're dieing to hear the rest of my head-drama.

Checking in on Wednesday Weigh-in

So, by the looks of this blog (and my scales) fitness hasn't been a priority this summer. And I  will admit I've been more focused on the girls and now that it's July I'm focusing on work more.  I've kept up my work blog more too, but probably since it's easier. It seems every time I post here, it's blah blah blah I'm not doing anything and not losing blah blah blah.   I keep thinking of game plans but they don't work because as soon as I get up from  here I don't do them.  (womp womp womp). 

I didn't even weigh-in this morning, that's how focused I've been! 

However, I have started back up running.  Monday was to be my 1st day back of training in prep of training for my half this fall, #fail. Mon and Tues was a bust, nothing done. But today.....ahhh today...I did the fittest for teh Bikini Body Mommy Challenge (and nearly died).  Wow what a test! I'm excited to see changes and progress but that means commitment. 
But here's my stats for the test:

1.  SPEED SQUATS:  34
2.   HIGH KNEES:  85 
3. PUSH UPS:25 (modified)
4. SQUAT JUMPS:  22
5. TRICEP DIPS: 17
6. BURPEES:8
7. ALTERNATING LUNGES: 15
8. ELBOW PLANK:20sec

Trust me, it was H.A.R.D.  I plan to do workout day #2 tonight then 3 tomorrow before the festivities for the 4th.  And even plan on taking them home to do during the camping weekend.  It seems a few days I'll be doing cardio/running so guess I'll be taking home my shoes and sports bra! Woohoo. 

No food goals...just focusing on my running plan and the BBM 90 Day challenge. 

Where Have I Been?!?!?!

Eeeeek - I've fallen off the bloggin' wagon!

Let's list excuses:
1) We just got back from Cozumel...6 day trip, all inclusive.  Has me a little fearful of the scale but we'll get to that in a bit.
2) RIGHT before Cozumel we celebrated AbbDabs 1st birthday, whew...
3) Thinking I had a stress fracture in my foot, couldnt do a whole lot of exercising.

So now what...
Here I am.  Back at it.  Determined to get a body that can wear that bikini next time we're in Mexico.  With Ethan's full support I know it can happen too.  Also have that Half Marathon looming over my head. Eeek.  I did go for a mile run last night with no foot problems so hopefully it's back in full action.

So here's the plan:
1: Starting up running again.  E got me a Garmin Forerunner (woohoo) although I reallly need to read up on all the crazy stuff it does.  Ran with it last night and I'm also thinking that getting new running goodies definitely makes running more enjoyable. I was excited to get out and run.
2:  Working Out.  I found out about Bikini Body Mommy last month and just haven't done much with it.  Last night I decided to do the 90 day challenge and started the fit test, but had to stop it so I'll start that up tonight and begin the 90 day challenge!  By October there should be significant difference.  Hoping to stay on track with it....SOMEONE keep me in check. I'll post my fit test results tomorrow...
3:  Weighing in...this one is iffy.  Daily weigh-ins frustrate me but I feel I need them to help me stay in line.

Until Then.....

Setting Goals

So here it is....50 minutes before June 1st. 

Time to set some goals for the month.

BUT before that, let's be realistic and look at what hurdles are set before me.

• June 8th my sweet little AbbDabs will turn ONE (sidestep here...holy moly my little baby is going to be ONE!!  Time just flew with her! I am soo blessed that she chose our family to join and excited to see what the rest of her craziness will bring to us!)  Anyways....usually this means stress which then leads to eating.  Not a good combo.  Not to mention the birthday yummies. 
• June 15-20 we will be the amazingly beautiful and warm Cozumel (can't wait!!).  As excited as I am, I realize that means all-inclusive....guacamole...liquor...but it also means hiking, swimsuit, and pictures to hold those memories, all things that are going to make me sweat and look horrible I'm sure.  
• July 4th and the Rufenacht Campout is just around the corner!  You can read that to mean: hot dogs, chips, soda, chips, no exercise (sweating from heat..that burns calories, right?).  

So now that that's outta the way, here's some BIG news!

(insert drum roll) 

Ethan and I have officially signed up for the 

Bass Pro Shops Half Marathon here in Springfield on Nov 3rd.  

YAY!  

Although I'm nervous about it because I can't even complete a 5k without walking ... and this is 13.1 miles!  I'm definitely going to earn that 13.1 sticker, no doubt. I'm nervous about the training, wanting to make sure I can do it and stick to it.  Worried that i'll lose the momentum - not motivation, because i HAVE to do the 13.1 now, no questions there.

Sounds like it's goal setting time.  FIVE months away from the 13.1....2 weeks away from Mexico. Time to get back on track and set some reasonable goals.  I feel like in the past I've set monthly goals and they always focus on weight.  Well this week my weight has fluctuated sooooo much (thank you TOM) and that it's honestly not that great of a measuring tool of success that I don't want to solely rely on that as a means to see that I met my goal.    These are goals that I think are measurable and attainable:

1. Track (and stay under) calories on MFP at least 5 of 7 days of the week. 
2. Get in 2-3 runs each week...building up to a 3-4mile long run
3. Do at least 2 days of a Jillian DVD (I'd like to say do more, but I know I can't commit to it yet) 
4. Get up and run at least one day before Ethan leaves for work 

I don't think those are unreasonable.   And if I was going to through my weight around (as in my numbers) I would like to see me get to 190 although 10 pounds in a month is ridiculous for me right now.  Maybe 5 pounds if I'm really strict.    

On the non-fitness side of things, here's my June goals

1. embrace the time home with the girls
2. An outing at least once a week with the girls
3. Be IN the pictures...and not just a selfie or a self-taken headshot of me and one of the girls. 

Here's to June! (I have 3 minutes left to post before it's June! woohoo I'm good)

Wednesday Weigh-In

Well...I knew it was gonna be bad, and it was. I KNOW it takes hard work and I need that discipline again to make the right choices.

So here's the dreaded scale pic.

I think the most upsetting part is last Thursday it said 196.  Five freaking pounds. FIVE!!!!!  It also hurts that it starts with a 2.  I said good bye to the 200s. I thought.

I know last weekend did a number on me (five numbers) but this wknd will be tough too.  Tomorrow is our anniversary and we'll be at Silver Dollar City...I've GOT to make healthy choices and load up on water.  Then Saturday we are celebrating which will mean dinner. I WILL make good choices. Maybe I need to start posting my MFP daily food journal here too.  Who knows..I just gotta do it. 

  I also haven't worked out since Thursday last week. Ugh.   With a new month maybe its time for another sticker calendar and goal setting.  Tomorrow I will definitely work on monthly goals and have those posted here. 

Until then,